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Bipolar in Denver
Thu, Apr. 13th, 2006 12:01 am

So...I know this community has slowed down a LOT, but I could really use some advice. I am bi-polar and last August moved to Denver. Well, I was doing pretty good, so I thought I could handle getting off my pills cold-turkey and not taking any....boy was I wrong. I've been cycling like crazy for....Since about december. I don't know if I can handle it anymore, it's really starting to get to me.

Any good therapists/mds? I'm not good at picking therapists it seems, as most of the ones I have gone to don't seem to click with me. I really need some help, and all the ones I've called I've either not liked much or there is a 3+ month waiting list. I really need SOMETHING. If you guys could help, that would be awesome...

Thanks in advance.


Bipolar in Denver
Sat, Feb. 4th, 2006 08:46 am

This community seems to have slowed down quite a bit-i just found it and am reading posts like crazy. I just this past week have been coming to terms with the idea that I, too, am bipolar. For a long time I've tried to convince myself it was Asperger's or ADHD or just chronic depression, but last night's long talk with my husband - and the comments made by a few shrinks - have finally made me realize that this is, indeed, what's "wrong" with me. I can see symptoms of this going back to my childhood, before I was even 10 years old. I've been told I was lazy or that "you never finish anything" because of my cycles, which I've always called "waves" - crushing depression, anxiety and paranoia for weeks on end, then one day I'll latch onto some obsessive but rather obscure topic (ancient Japanese pottery, for instance - or art, or writing, or religion - a big one for me) and just fall completely into it for like three months, to the point where I neglect my family and, I'm sorry and embarassed to say, just don't care. I am rather anti-social, in that I am fascinated by humanity and culture and history, but can't stand being around most people for any length of time, and have long had real trouble with relationships. I tried suicide when I was 15, due to an abusive, neglectful home situation and then my boyfriend dumped me. At the age of 19 or 20, I started "self-medicating" with alcohol and cannabis and kept that up pretty much daily for 15 years - but unlike your typical "stoner," I finished a BA in 3 years and finished grad school with a 3.8 GPA. I was in gifted classes as a kid, but had a hard time being motivated, plus all the horrific crap I dealt with socially, trying to avoid being beat up on a daily basis by kids who always said I looked at them funny or something. I, too, get very emotionally reactive, freak out, have panic attacks which started after a sexual assault when I was 11, and basically my whole family thinks I'm just a "trouble-maker" or something. We are not close, and the fact that I'm adopted made it worse. I've been on and off antidepressants for the last 10 years, and always kept smoking pot to keep myself "evened out." Now that I've quit that - six weeks this coming Monday - I spiralled into the worst depression I've had in many years, and even considered suicide again. But now I have a family of my own, and I just couldn't do that to them, so I finally got back into therapy and meds (Celexa and Klonapin). I also would've made a good superhero - I get so upset at perceived injustices in the world, I get sick, and have to stop myself from reading the news too much. Once I became convinced that I'd discovered a way to reconcile Buddhism and Christianity, and if I could just get the word out, I could revolutionize and revitalize Xianity again, and make so many people happy and at peace...guess I thought I was Joan of Arc or something - haha. I am a writer and artist, and have always kept a journal, which has at least helped when no one else could listen to my rantings. But now that i'm off the pot, my dreams are coming back with a vengeance, and they frighten me. I'm keeping a journal of those, too, so I can analyze them and look for patterns - I'm very big on patterns. I was terrified of this diagnosis when it was first offered to me, because the shrink wanted to put me on Lithium - I was scared to death that it would flatline my personality and kill my creativity, the thing that makes me ME. Fortunately my current therapist isn't pushing for Lithium, but she might suggest something else, and I don't want to be a zombie. I only feel truly safe and at peace when I'm alone in my room or out in nature, preferably woods with big trees, and that doesn't happen often enough now that I live in a desert. I am lucky to have an extremely understanding and supportive husband - THANK GOD. He accepts me the way I am, and figured out I was bipolar before I did, because I was resistant to the idea and scared of it. Now I'm finally resigning myself to it, but have so many questions, and feel another hypomanic phase coming on. I know this forum doesn't get much traffic lately, but I hope someone will reply to my post here. I really need to connect with others like me and give me some hope and advice. I have a young son and am concerned he may end up just like me. I want to protect him from me sometimes - I'm not a mean person, but I get easily overwhelmed sometimes, and flash back to traumatic things I experienced as a child. I love him with all my heart, and try to be the best mother I can possibly be, because I know what it's like to grow up with out affection or understanding. I may cross post this to another community if I find one I'm interested in. I hope I hear from someone out there who can offer me some help/hope/insight. Thanks for listening.

Current Mood: anxious anxious


Bipolar in Denver
Mon, Aug. 29th, 2005 11:51 am
So it's been a long time since I've done ANYTHING on this community, but here goes...

I take this cocktail:
1800 mg Lithium
.0025 mg Synthroid
50 mg Trazadone

So, what I need now, I think, is an antidepressant. My mood has been horrible. I've taken wellbutrin before and I just felt speedy and.... hypomanic. So what do you do for depression?

Current Mood: blank blank


Bipolar in Denver
Tue, Aug. 2nd, 2005 04:55 am

I think an introduction is in order... obviously I'm bipolar (rapid cycling, both I & II) and it's hard. Nobody else in my family suffers from anything more severe than mild depression and most of my friends are AOK. I have an extremely supportive SO and I'm medicated. Doctors decided I suffer from infant-onset (meaning I was a bipolar baby. Sure my mother loved that one.) but I was not formerly diagnosed & treated until the end of my junior year in high school; I was 16. This being said, I've only been medicated for 3 years.

I think I do a great job of covering up how severely my moods cyle & the effect they have on me, but I suck at coping with the idea. I had no idea there was a community like this for Denver bipolars... I'm a born & raised Colorado native. I guess that's about it unless there's more someone wants to know...

Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: Atreyu: "The Crimson"


Bipolar in Denver
Mon, Dec. 27th, 2004 08:56 pm

I just recently got off my medication for a while because I desperately need the validation that I'm not really sick, that I really don't have a mental illness. It's going horribly and I've never felt so desperate to get back on it, but I can't make myself take it again, to feel absolutely nothing.

I've literally gone insane lately, it's as if the dark parts of my brain has completely taken over me. I can't control what I do, what I say. I got back into doing drugs and alcohol. I have insomnia again and every night I stay up the entire time doing nothing but writing down every thought that's flying nonstop through my mind, preventing me from going to sleep.

It's my fault that I'm experiencing these things because I won't do as the doctors say, but I can't choose anymore whether I want to be a product of my medication (I feel as if I no longer even have my personality anymore when I'm on it) or be who I am and face the fact that my mind works differently from other people and learn to live with it.

I'm probably not making a lot of sense, I just really needed to get this out. I joined this community a couple of days ago, and it's been the first time I've admited to myself that I may actually have a problem.

:-/ Disregard this if you find this to be just annoying whining. Anyway, thanks for reading.


Bipolar in Denver
Sat, Nov. 27th, 2004 07:01 pm
Wow didn't know this community existed, glad to have found it.

I'm a high school student from Aurora with rapid cycle bipolar I. I have a lot of paranoia, panic attacks and depressive episodes with cutting and suicide attempts, as well as problems with substance abuse. I look forward to talking to people who suffer from the same things in the same area.


Bipolar in Denver
Wed, Nov. 24th, 2004 01:14 pm

ME: hi bipolar denver!
ME: im 21, bipolar and i live in denver. i think this community might be a cool way to get in touch with people who have common situations. so...i dunno. comment or something if you feel the same way? cuz it would be cool to have cool people on my friends list who are cool rather than lame.
BIPOLAR DENVER: okie doke :)
ME: cool :)



Bipolar in Denver
Fri, Nov. 19th, 2004 03:51 pm

I used to live in the greater Denver area near Littleton. I am 36 Bi-polar I with rapid cycling and mixed states. I am in the middle of a mental health crisis but things are being manged. My meds have been up'ed as recently as today. I have been unable to find a cocktail that has worked for me as of yet and I have been diagnoised since june of 1998. I have been on many differant mixes of medications and am currently on 200 to 300 mgs of Seroquel and that is expected to go up. And 25 mgs of Lamictal which is also expected to go up. My question is I am thinking of relocating back to Colorado either in the Denver area or Colorado Springs area. I am on SSDI and recieve Medicare which does not cover my over 700 dollar a month prescriptions. I am ineligable for medication coverage under the medicaid program here in the state of Oregon since Feburary of 2002. At that time I went off my meds since I could not pay for them. I just got back on meds this last week due the crisis I am in now. I need to know who the state of Colorado deals with Medicare recieptiants and covering medications through the Medicaid program. I have two sisters who live in Colorado and can help with giving me a place to stay until I find a more permant solution. Also does anyone know what the income for SSI is in Colorado? As I am over that limit here in Oregon I can't get any additional finacial help which is unfortunate since if I was recieving in a few dollars from SSI I would automatically recieve medicaid which would cover my prescriptions. Any help would be appriciated including just reffering me to an angency that could answer my questions. Thank you for your time.



Bipolar in Denver
Thu, Nov. 18th, 2004 10:56 pm
We're having some real problems here tonight. My girlfriend is bipolar II rapid cycler. She seems to have all of the rarest parts of this condition which includes hallucinations. Bad hallucinations. So, she went to go and see her endochronologist because her medication has been giving her irregular periods and such. They took an MRI for growths in the pituitary gland, and she gets the results tomorrow. In the meanwhile though, she was taken off of Risperdal which I'm sure a lot of you know is a major anti-psychotic. The effects of her coming off of this are being felt in full, and they might have reached a dead end as far as medicine goes here. She's also transitioning between another mood stabilizer and they want her to go onto a different mediction which has side effects that include suicidal episodes. NOT something either of us want.

I've been trying to get her to take flax seed oil, but she hasn't been to diligent with it and we're trying to change her diet but it's slow going. Especially with me 1/2 way across the country.

My question is if anyone has any advice to offer at all. We're kind of at our wit's end tonight and it's taking a toll on both of us. So if you have any ideas I'd love to hear them.

This is a list of her mood medication she's on right now:
Topomax (she just started this last week)
Wellbutrin XL
and she had one final one she's just now starting.

She's on a lot of other medication b/c she battles Sarcoidosis and Fibromyalgia as well.

So if anyone has any ideas, again drop it hot. I'd love to hear it.


Bipolar in Denver
Wed, Nov. 10th, 2004 12:51 am
I hate to do this, and this is in no ways a way to undermine and steal members from other communities but:

Heylo, I am a Toronto-based New Media artist who suffers from Bipolar Type II. I am collecting stories from other mental illness sufferers to be included in an installation this February 2005. If you are interested in writing about your mental illness and having it anonymously become a piece of art-installation please join at mentalmoments

Thanks for your time.